Good grief! It’s not a Dog and the ladies have todgers!

Hyenas rather surprisingly aren’t actually related to dogs, they are in fact more closely related to the Mongoose and Civets. There are four species of Hyena; the Spotted, the Striped, the Brown and the Aardwolf.

The Hyaenidae (literally – the gluttinous) will bally well eat anything … fast. In fact they will eat a third of their own body weight in half an hour… much like a Scot.

They are organized hunters who are built for endurance and scavenging. Hyenas will chase a prey for miles until it simply gives up. They are also excellent scavengers who are more than happy to eat rotten meat and crunch their way through bones. The concentrated hydrochloric acid in their stoumach kills off any bacteria, and even breaks down bones – making their droppings white.

The Spotted Hyena is in fact the top predator in Africa. Surprisingly it is more often than not Lions who scavenge from Hyena kills rather than the other way round. Incredibly aggressive, even as pups the dominant will attempt to kill the weaker twin. Though they were kept as pets in ancient Egypt and still are in modern day Nigeria. It would still probably be unwise to let the nanny leave them in the same room as Junior.

A council estate in Nigeria

A council estate in Nigeria


In Harar, Ethiopia some silly buggers actually feed the Hyena from their own mouth.

pfthat's myyy lipth

pfthat's myyy lipth

Hyena are renowned and reviled for their habit of digging up human graves to chomp on the skeleton and rotten flesh, while its bite can crush bone it is actually a Myth that the Hyena have the World’s most powerful bite. The Aardwolf is somewhat the odd man out, it’s a specialized bug-muncher – though it can still be considered a glutton as it slurps its way through in excess of 200,000 insects a night – he lacks the ability to crunch bones but is said to give a nasty lick.

Though possibly the strangest thing about the Hyena, and the Spotted Hyena in particular is that the female … well she has a man-thing … between her legs… reminds me of a filly I met in the Orient.

Just for the records yes everything does happen through said todger; urinating, copulating … giving birth. Of course the passing of a young Hyena through an enlarged clitoris often results in tearing, and as her hampton is so long it often results in the first pup being suffocated inside.

The reason for this physiological anomaly is well … dick swinging. Hyena society is run on aggression, and it’s the women who are on top, and what better to say I’m the boss than ‘I’ve got a massive … ‘.