Vervet Monkey

WE’VE MOVED HERE! COME SAY HELLO!

The Vervet Monkey has the rather enviable ecological niche of hanging around in the Caribbean drinking cocktails.

I know I was drunk last night ... but which joker coloured in my scrotum?

Originally from Africa the Vervet Monkeys were imported as pets on the boats that brought over slaves to the Carribean in the 17th Century. There they have flourished in the wild and have regularly caused chaos throughout the Antilles, non more so than the population on St Kitts. You see the St Kitts’ Vervets have taken to boozing. Originally they found sugar cane fermenting on the local plantations, but now they’ve found a more ready source… tourists.

The troops of monkeys come out of the forests to the beach, where they can regularly admire fillies and steal some booze. Of course everyone likes a drunk and everyone likes a monkey … so what could be better. Though I think you know by now that drunkenness, apart from in the case of the author, isn’t enough to get you into the Proceedings of the Ever so Strange.

You see these chaps are really rather eerily familiar. Learned types have discovered that the Vervets have rather human patterns of imbibing. How so? Well the vast majority of them are social drinkers, they drink in moderation and only after midday. Fifteen percent are steady drinkers who like a more regular tipple, and another fifteen percent are teetotal. Then there are the five percent who go at it like the Major at a free bar. Absolutely bladdered they are too, kicking off fights and barely able to stand. Interestingly it’s the five percent who act up the most, the most monkey-like in a way, they are the ones that become the dominant pack members… the leaders. Sadly the author can think of nothing that equates to this in human society… must try harder… look like monkeys… our leaders…hmmm …are drunks… no sorry still nothing.