Beaver

WE’VE MOVED HERE! COME SAY HELLO!

They caused a war over hats, are much like a Camel and flavour cigarettes with their anus.

A welcome return to the shores of Great Blighty for the Beaver!

597px-American_Beaver

The Beaver is once again in Britain, and very welcome it is too for once was the time the Great British Empire curtailed a huge swath of the Americas for it, and chucked out the French (again) to boot.

The reason for kicking out the French (again) is quite simply mad as a Milliner – an epic war over headwear. In the 16th Century hats were quite the rage, and non were finer than those made from Beaver pelt. As the Beaver were virtually decimated for bonnets across Europe, the French found an almost limitless supply in Canada. Thankfully the good ol’ British army soon swooped in to claim it from Johnny French.

Just in case you were wondering the hats weren’t hairy, the Beaver fur presses down into a fine shiny felt like material like you would see on most top hats and bowlers.

Brief history & haberdashery lesson over, let’s talk about our amazing friend the Beaver.

First of all they are big buggers, about the size of a Labrador, and what these big buggers like to do is build.

Beavers are of course famous for felling trees. If the Beaver can’t find a home to his liking he makes one by damming a river to make a lake. In fact it’s often pointed out that, mankind aside, the Beaver is the animal that has the most effect on its immediate environment – felling trees willy-nilly and what not.

At the other end of the wood-felling teeth is of its rather famous tail, which has a number of purposes, the most obvious being to signal warnings. If a Beaver is spooked it will dive deep into it the nearest water, but not before giving the water a bally big slap with it’s tail. Less obvious is that the Beaver’s tail is much like the Camel’s hump, it uses it as a fat store from Spring to Autumn to lay down energy deposits for the Winter.

Perhaps what is most remarkable about the Beaver is that it’s been used as a wandering drugstore since the turn of time. Castoreum is a secretion of a Beaver’s anal gland mixed with urine. The Beaver uses this stinky stuff to mark its territory. The smelly smell has been used since the Greco-Roman period as a medicine for fevers, headaches and hysteria. All fine and dandy, but this Beaver bottom slime is used in a number of (French) perfumes such as Givenchy and Chanel … because you’re worth it.

Amazingly it’s even used in cigarettes to improve flavour and odour, though there are no known plans to move from trademarks such as ‘It’s Toasted!’ to ‘It’s Anally Secreted!’

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